


It kills to know that you have been defeated.

by Babybuckleydiaz



Series: Buddie Tumblr Prompts [12]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Bobby Nash Being a Dad, Caring Eddie Diaz, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Panic Attacks, Spoilers, The Therapist from Season 1, Worried Bobby Nash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:40:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24059131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Babybuckleydiaz/pseuds/Babybuckleydiaz
Summary: Hey can you do a buddie fic where the firefam find out the therapist took advantage of Buck? By the way great work. I love the transitioning throughout your story.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: Buddie Tumblr Prompts [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1712443
Comments: 7
Kudos: 396





	It kills to know that you have been defeated.

**Author's Note:**

> Please do not read if you are uncomfortable with Implied Sexual Assault.

Buck isn’t usually someone who spends time watching the television up in the lost, mostly using it for sound while he was on his phone or reading something in between calls. Such as he was doing today, book opened up in his lap while he had his feet resting on the top of his boyfriend’s thighs, Eddie rubbing a motion subconsciously on his ankle. Buck hadn’t been paying much attention to the news, barely hearing anything that was playing as he eyes scanned through the pages of his book; but it was a name that had caught his attention.

His head whips upwards towards the television that is playing a news segment, Eddie turning his head to look at his boyfriend due to the dramatic movement that they younger male had made. He has a frown on his face, concerned for the other when he sees how Buck’s eyes widen as he lets his book fall onto his lap; not having put his bookmark within the pages when he does so. Eddie removes his hand from Buck’s ankle when the other swings his legs over and plants his feet on the ground, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees, one hand rising up to place the palm of his hand in front of his mouth.

_“Psychologist Dr Kate Wells had been arrested on seven charges of statutory sexual assault, a number of victims having come forward to confess how she had forced or coerced them into having sex.”_ The voice of the female new caster sounds both sympathetic and bored at the same time, her voice monotone and flat as she continued to speak about the subject. Looking up, Eddie sees that Bobby is now standing beside him with a deep frown on his face as he eyes shifted to Buck; who seemed to have already begun trembling as he took deep calming breaths. And for a moment, Eddie is left feeling confused as to why these two men are reacting to the news in such a way; Buck with fear and Bobby with concern and anger clear on his face.

And then everything had clicked together in his mind, and he felt as though he was going to be sick as he leaned forward also. Not hesitating in taking Buck’s hand when his boyfriend blindly reaches out for him, hand shaking as he clutched Eddie’s hand so tightly within his own. Only giving it a quick squeeze before he’s letting Eddie’s hand go once more, joining the other across his mouth.

Seeing how Buck is reacting the news as it continued to play, Bobby moves forward quickly retrieve the remote and switch it off; not wanting it to play if it was going to hurt the younger man in such a way. “I-I’m gonna be sick.” Whimpered Buck pathetically, and that had been the only warning that anyone needed before Buck found himself clutching onto the thankfully empty small trashcan that had been trusted into his hands by Bobby. “I’m gonna touch your back, is that okay?” Buck can hear Eddie’s comforting voice speaking to him, thankful that Eddie was asking him for permission and giving him the option to back out of being touched.

And Buck wanted to say yes, because he knew that it was just Eddie and his boyfriend could never hurt him, but the idea of being touched right now made him vomit all that much more. Violently and quickly, Buck shakes his head while giving his boyfriend a set of eyes filled with nothing but an apology; but Eddie wasn’t angered or annoyed in the slightest. “That’s okay, it’s alright. Let us know what you need, Evan.” Requests Eddie, knowing that it would help Buck right now to have some control, and Bobby just stood by watching until there was something he could do to help the man that he regarded as his own son; his heart breaking in his chest. “M-My turnout j-jacket. I-It’s heavy.” Buck managed to grunt out between heaving breaths, continuing to spit into the trashcan; blocking out anything around him that wasn’t Eddie’s voice.

“Okay, we can do that. Bobby?” Eddie looks up at his Captain then, who is quick to jump into action and running out of the scene to grab what is needed. “Take deep breaths, love. I’m right here, you’re okay. Just breathe, my love.” Instructs the older of the two men, his voice so calming and slow and something that Buck was able to latch onto, trying everything he could to follow the words that the other was giving him. He must have been able to do it, something that Buck can’t tell yet over the pounding in his head, because he hears his boyfriend speak up once again. “That’s good, you’re doing great. Just keep doing that, Bobby almost back with your jacket.”

The moment that the words are out of his mouth, Bobby has returned in recorded time with the said jacket and stopped before he even thought about placing it on the man’s trembling shoulders. “Buck, son? I’m going to place the jacket on your now.” Warns Bobby, and waiting long enough to receive a shaky nod in response, kneeling in front of the younger man and placing the jacket across his shoulders with a small frown. “There we go kiddo.” Just like Eddie’s voice had been, Bobby’s words were so patient and love-filled when he spoke in a slow understanding way; making it easy for Buck to hear him. And he’s so unbelievably thankful for them being here with him, because they were doing all the things that Buck needed right now.

“I though… w-when…” Buck trailed off before he even began to really speak, his voice faulting on him as he shook his head with a sigh. “You don’t need to explain anything, kid. Don’t force yourself to talk to us.” Bobby explained gently, not wanting Buck to talk about this if it was only going to do him more harm than good.

“I need to.” Buck says softly, finally feeling as though he could place the trashcan back onto the ground with a small grimace, weakly smiling up at Eddie before opening his mouth. Bobby moves so that he’s sitting on the small chair beside the couch, not wanting to crowd around Buck and give him enough space. But he stays close enough that he’ll be there if Buck should need him.

“After… _It_ happened; I thought t-that I was overreacting.” Buck begins, sniffing as he rests his forehead against his hand as he took a few more breaths before speaking once more; doing what he can to keep his heart beat calm. “I-I-I thought that maybe I was wrong- I mean I never said no!” Eddie is shaking his head, feeling his heart absolutely shatter in his chest at the thought of something like this happening to Buck; someone who has always done the best to see the good in people. “You didn’t say no, but I’m guessing you didn’t say yes. And that should have been enough; she had no right to do what she had done.” Eddie began, wanting to reach out so badly and hold his boyfriend safely in his arms but he doesn’t; not too sure how Buck would have reacted to that right now.

“The way that you felt is completely valid, someone took advantage of you and you have every single right to feel the way that you did. You didn’t overreact, Evan.” Eddie gently and calmly explained, smiling encouragingly at the other man when Buck finally lifts his gaze off the floor to look at the dark haired male.

“Buck? When you told me after it happened, were you hoping that I would have reported her?”

Buck is pulled away from looking at Eddie to shift his gaze over to Bobby, who has such a guilty and sad look in his eyes once he asks his question; being rewarded with silence for a few beats of silence. “I mean… Yeah, I was. But I can’t blame you for anything, I mean…” And then Buck laughs, but nothing about it was humourless and instead sounded sad and choked up. “Buck 1.0 wasn’t someone I would have believed either.”

Nothing about anything that Buck had just said could ever sit right Eddie, who was quick to open his mouth and jump in before that sentence could settle for too long. “No, hey. Don’t do that.” He begins so many emotions in his voice when he speaks, so much that it forced Buck to look at his boyfriend once again. “Who you were in the past is nothing you should ever be ashamed about, okay? There is nothing wrong with the things you did.”

That was something that Eddie has always thought about, that Buck shouldn’t have his past thrown back into his face for a joke; and it wasn’t something that he should ever have to feel like he should be ashamed of. Buck is an adult, having consensual sex more than the average person; and that was something that was perfectly okay for him to do.

“And I can say with certainty that Bobby and the team would have believed you, love. Because you’re not someone who would lie about something like that.” Once again, Eddie’s voice was so confident when he spoke to show that he believed in everything that he was saying; and Buck found that he couldn’t look away from his boyfriend right now. “She had no right to ever treat you like that, and she deserves everything that has happened to her.”

Hesitantly and silently, Buck looks down at his hand and he reaches out for Eddie’s own; who doesn’t reach forward and gives the other the chance to change his mind last second. But Buck doesn’t, he entwines his finger’s with Eddie’s and brings his hand over into his own lap; holding it close and tightly.

“Buck, I am so sorry.” Buck had almost forgotten that Bobby had been there, pulled from his thoughts when the man’s voice broke through and the Captained looked as though he would burst into tears any moment now. “I should have taken what you said seriously and acted as your captain, instead I didn’t act as though I should have. And I am so sorry for acting like that.” There is so much sincerity in the older man’s voice, the heartbreak and regret was clear when he spoke.

“And I know you’re going to say it’s okay.” Bobby continued, and Buck had in fact gone to open his mouth to say just that; closing his mouth when Bobby had cut him off. “But it’s not, It’s far from okay. So I want you to decide what you want to do with this now? What you want us to do.” Bobby had a serious expression on his face, and Buck seems stunned for a moment as he looks back at the floor.

“Honestly, I just want to act as though it never happened and forget about it, but-“ Patiently, Bobby and Eddie waited for Buck to finished what it was that he wanted to say; what it was that he wanted to do from here on out.

“But I want to talk to Athena, see what options I have now that she’s being jailed anyway.” Buck sounds uncertain even as he says this, but he knows that he doesn’t try and at least do something that he would regret it more than he already has. That’s been a huge regret for so long, not having done something after it had happened; having to have way too many sleepless nights due to the thought that other people had suffered because he had never spoken up. He shakes his head as if he could physically rid himself of those thoughts, because he knew that not wanting to speak up was understandable and a completely normal reaction to what had happened. Plus, he knew that there would be people who wouldn’t believe him because of his gender and build; something that was completely fucking bullshit.

“If you’re sure, son. Then when you feel up to it we can talk to Athena, go the station.” Offered Bobby and Buck knew that it meant that the older man would be by his side the entire time; not going to have him go through this alone. Wordlessly, Buck just nods his head before wiping a hand down his face and through his hair.

“But for now, I want the two of you to go home.” Bobby says, Eddie agreeing as he stood up but Buck is already opening his mouth to disagree with what it was that had been ordered of them. “Son, you’re in no state to go on calls right now, you would just be in more danger of getting hurt and so would anyone who needed help.” The Captain explained with a gently expression, having reached out to place a hand on Buck’s shoulder only to pull back, still not sure how the younger man would take contact right now.

But he isn’t left wondering for long, because Buck is the one who moves forward and wraps his arms rightly around the older man; burying his face in his shoulder. Behind them, Eddie can’t help but smile so sadly as the scene before him. “For what it’s worth.” Buck whispers, so only Bobby can hear what it was that he was going to say. “I forgive you. Not because I blame you, but because I know you need it.” Is what Buck had finished saying, and Bobby can’t help but suck in a breath as he holds the other that little bit tighter in his arms. They release each other a moment later, Bobby smiling down as he places a hand on the younger’s shoulder and then looks up at Eddie.

“Look after your boy.” He instructs, Eddie smiling and nodding his head before he reaches out his hand once more, Buck not hesitating in grabbing it quickly. “Alright, we’ll clock out and then get Chris was Carla.” Eddie speaks as they began to walk away, Bobby watching them go for a moment before deciding that he would need to call Athena about this to find out what Buck can do now.

She grimaces; he knows that Athena is going to be a mixture of sad and angry after she learnt that Buck was another one of the men that Dr Wells had assaulted. She was protective of Buck as it was, the man having grown on her since their first meeting years ago; Athena acting like the mother that Buck never got to have. She was going to be furious that this happened to someone she loved, and so saddened that it took a new report for any of them to learn what had happened.

He looks back up as the two men leave the firehouse together, hands entwined. Buck had people around him who loved him, and he wasn’t going to have to deal with the hardships that would come alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Wires - The Neighbourhood
> 
> I hope that this was okay, especially considering the subject matter. Like I said on my tumblr, Buck's reaction to hearing the news is how I react when I'm forced to remember my own attack; meaning his panic attack is similar to mind when I'm having an attack. I don't like people touching me, so I hope that makes sense. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you guys for reading and I hope you you all enjoy it.  
> Thanks guys!
> 
> Stay safe!


End file.
